כי יקח איש אשה חדשה לא יצא בצבא ולא יעבר עליו לכל דבר ... (כד-ה)
There is a well-known Gemara in Brachos 8a which states that years ago in Eretz Yisroel, a newlywed groom was asked "מצא או מוצא" - Did you marry well or not? Do you “find” yourself in an unfortunate or negative marital situation or have you “found” your wife to be a wonderful and satisfying partner?
Why does "מצא" connote a good match while "מוצא" implies the opposite?
I saw a powerful pshat from R’ Shimshon Pinkus zt”l. As a person commits to marrying his spouse, it is an enduring life-long commitment. It is not a decision one should make at the drop of a hat or in a split second. It must be thought out well, because then, he cannot second-guess himself, and ask continuously and incessantly: “Is my spouse for me? Was it a mistake to wed this person?”
The word "מצא", which reflects a past tense, means that you’ve already found your soul-mate, and are ready to embark on life’s path together, no matter what. Whereas "מוצא", the present tense, symbolizes the ever-present question, “Did I takeh find my bashert or not”? That constant questioning is a recipe for disaster.
Similarly, our relationship with הקב"ה is analogous to that of איש לאשתו. The posuk says "כה אמר ה' מצא חן במדבר". Hashem says about Klal Yisroel, “I’ve found (past tense) my beloved.” Thankfully, no matter our matzav ruchani, He has committed Himself to us, and will be at our side rooting for us and exhorting us to reach higher and higher on the ruchniyusdike continuum. Unfortunately, it is we who sometimes seek avenues other than His loving embrace.
As Chodesh Elul is now upon us, let us strengthen the אני לדודי so He will iy”H resoundingly reciprocate ודודי לי.
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