Parshas Chayei Sarah 5786
- Torah Tavlin
- 6 days ago
- 4 min read
ויען לבן ובתואל ויאמרו מה' יצא הדבר לא נוכל דבר אליך רע או טוב ... (כד-נ)
In the twilight years of the Gerrer Rebbe, the Lev Simcha, R’ Simcha Bunim Alter zt”l, a devoted chasid found himself at a crossroads. He had a son in shidduchim and when a girl from a fine family was put forth, he sent a shaliach to the Lev Simcha to inquire about the potential match for his son, hoping for a clear and favorable response. But the answer that came back was not what he had hoped for - in fact, it was negative. Doubt crept into his heart. Was this truly the Rebbe’s answer? Had it been conveyed accurately? Wrestling with uncertainty, he turned to a renowned Mekubal and asked him the same question, hoping for a different perspective. The Kabbalist, with conviction and mystical insight, strongly encouraged the match.
Now the chasid was torn. On one hand, the Rebbe’s answer seemed to close the door on this match. On the other, he had the enthusiastic endorsement of a Mekubal, someone revered for his spiritual vision. Unsure of how to proceed, he went to the home of the Pnei Menachem, R’ Pinchos Menachem Alter zt”l, another figure of Gerrer leadership, to seek clarity.
He laid out his dilemma: “I sent someone to ask the Rebbe, and they brought me such and such an answer. I don’t know if the Rebbe actually said this explicitly. But I also asked a certain Mekubal, and he urged me to take the match. What should I do?”
The Pnei Menachem responded with wisdom born of years of experience. “Those Kabbalists,” he said, “even when they see something, they only see what is good for the present moment. Their vision is limited to the immediate. But the Rebbe - his answers are for your benefit not just now, but in the future as well. I believe the Rebbe sees generations ahead. He sees what is good for each neshama, not only in this life, but according to its maasim in previous incarnations as well.”
He then shared a story from the days of the Imrei Emes, R’ Avraham Mordechai Alter zt”l, the father of the Pnei Menachem. A chasid once came to the Imrei Emes and begged for a blessing to become wealthy. The Rebbe refused. The chasid persisted, returning again and again, until finally, the Imrei Emes relented and gave him a blessing. The man’s fortunes changed dramatically - he soon became very rich, respected, and influential. He also had one son, a boy of exceptional virtue and character. But before the boy reached marriageable age, tragedy struck. He was involved in a terrible accident, and his leg had to be amputated. The father, now wealthy and prominent, faced a new challenge: finding a suitable match for his crippled son. His newly elevated status made it difficult to find a family on his level willing to marry into a situation involving disability. Eventually, he had to lower his expectations and agreed to a match with the daughter of the town’s tailor.
When the Imrei Emes heard of this, he said to the father, “See, it was decreed from heaven that this was your son’s match. Had you remained in your previous position, you would have been pleased to hear of a match with the daughter of the tailor. But now, after you became rich and respected, you would not have considered it. So it was arranged from above that your son would suffer this accident, so that you would be willing to accept the match that was destined for him.”
The Pnei Menachem stressed this point to the chasid who came to him about the shidduch. “It is not always wise to beg for what Heaven does not grant. Sometimes, in our desperation to shape our own destiny, we seek blessings that are not meant for us, and in doing so, we may unknowingly invite hardship. The Rebbe’s refusal was not a denial; it was protection. His answer encompassed not just the immediate desires of the chasid, but the arc of his life and the spiritual needs of his soul and family.
“Furthermore,” explained the Pnei Menachem, “a Rebbe’s guidance is not merely practical - it is a ‘shtickel nevuah’ - prophetic in many ways. It is rooted in a deep understanding of the neshama’s journey, of divine timing, and of the intricate tapestry of human destiny. The Mekubal may see the present clearly, but the Rebbe sees the future with clarity and compassion.”
The chasid nodded with a renewed sense of trust. He understood that the Rebbe’s answer, though hard to accept, was rooted in a vision far deeper than his own. He now recognized that in matters of great consequence, such as marriage, livelihood, and spiritual direction, it is tempting to seek multiple opinions, especially when the first answer is difficult to accept. But true spiritual leadership is not about confirming our desires. It is about guiding us toward what is truly good, even if it is hidden from our view.