ויפל על צוארי בנימין אחיו ויבך ובנימין בכה על צואריו ... (מה-יד)
When Yaakov came down to Mitzrayim, the Torah tells us that Yosef fell on his father’s neck and cried there for a while. The Maharal M’Prague zt”l explains that the emotion of love that Yaakov felt at this moment was so powerful that he chose to take the intensity of his love and direct it towards Hashem. This was quite different from earlier when Yosef cried on his brother’s neck. Chazal teach us a very important lesson regarding the incident when Yosef and Binyomin cried on each other’s shoulders: Each one felt the other’s pain - נושא בעול עם חבירו - sharing the burden and pain of the other. Yosef cried over the destruction of the two בתי מקדש situated in the portion of Binyomin, while Binyomin cried for the loss of Mishkan Shilo in Yosef’s portion. This was not just brotherly love; this is the way every Jew must feel towards his fellow Jew.
Chessed can be done by many people on many different levels. Sometimes we help others because we feel sorry for them, sometimes we feel sorry for ourselves - there are many ulterior motives. The middah of נושא בעול עם חבירו, however, can only be achieved with complete sincerity. R’ Yeruchem Levovitz zt”l says that it is not enough to see or hear someone’s pain; to truly help another, we must feel and understand their pain! When someone understands another’s pain, it automatically becomes relieved somewhat, just as when a person feels another’s joy, the happiness is automatically heightened. One cannot singlehandedly solve other people’s problem, but by simply taking the time to listen, to recognize the issues that the other faces, a kind word, an act of sincere kindness - one cannot imagine how much he has helped!
This middah is called נושא בעול עם חבירו as opposed to בחבירו to signify that a Jew is not expected to carry the full burden of others. Rather, we are supposed to share the burden, by relating to others as true friends - with concern, love and sincerity. Its not enough to be just a חבירו - friend; we must be "עם" חבירו - compassionate with our friends at all times!