Parshas Toldos 5786
- Torah Tavlin
- 3 days ago
- 2 min read
אולי ימשני אבי והייתי בעיניו כמתעתע והבאתי עלי קללה ולא ברכה ... (כז-יב)
Before passing himself off to his father Yitzchok as his brother, Esav, Yaakov expressed his sincere concern and worry that his father will catch him in his deception and expose him as a fraud. The Baalei Mussar extract from this statement an extraordinary mussar haskel. Many of us walk around in disguise, conforming our behavior to fit the perceptions of the people around us and focusing on our external persona and appearance, rather than focusing on our inner avodah.
R’ Elya Ber Wachtfogel shlita related an episode witnessed by his father R’ Nosson zt”l, legendary Mashgiach of BMG, depicting the high level of introspection of the saintly Mirrer Mashgiach, R’ Yerucham Levovitz zt”l. Although Maariv on the first night of Rosh Hashanah is considered one of the most solemn tefillos of the year, in the Mir Yeshivah this was especially true, following a month of serious preparation for the Yom Hadin. R’ Yerucham would daven Shemonah Esrei with intense kavanah for hours. After the Yeshivah finished Maariv, since R’ Yerucham would still be davening, the talmidim would first go to their respective hosts to eat the Yom Tov meal, and only afterward return to receive a beracha from their revered rebbi.
Once, R’ Nosson rushed back and hid under a bench in the back of the beis medrash to observe his holy rebbi. When R’ Yerucham finished Shemonah Esrei, he turned around to scan the room, and, after ensuring nobody was there, burst into bitter tears. Choked with sobs, he cried out the words uttered by Yaakov Avinu: “Ulai yimusheini avi v’hayisi b’einav kimsatei’a!” Despite R’ Yerucham’s passionate avodah, he was afraid it was not totally pure, and for this he was brokenhearted!
The eitza for this is one thing: Limud HaMussar. Learning Mussar, by definition, hones one’s inner-self and develops it, little by little, day by day, until the person becomes תוכו כברו, dignified - not only in outer appearance, but possessing a deep inner world to match. It takes only a few moments a day - a Mesillas Yesharim, a Shaarei Teshuvah, or Chovos HaLevavos; perhaps the occasional fiery shmuess - but it can change your life.