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Parshas Lech Lecha 5785

ולאברם היטיב בעבורה ויהי לו צאן ובקר וחמרים ועבדים ושפחת ואתנת וגמלים ... (יב-טו)

     The Gemara (ב"מ נט.) quotes Rav Chelbo who learns from our posuk that a man should be careful with the kavod (honor) of his wife since all blessings come to the home of a man due to the woman. Rava even told the people of Mechuza: “Give honor to your wives because in that merit you will become rich.”

    R’ Avraham Chaim Feuer shlita (Lahavos Aish) quotes R’ Avraham Pam zt”l who asks: in the Kesuba document that a man gives to his wife under the chupah, there are four words that are used to express his obligation to his wife. "אפלח" - I will work, "אוקיר" - I will honor, "איזון" - I will nourish, "אפרנס" - I will support. It seems that the word OKIR - I will honor, is an emotional obligation, while the other three are financial. What is it doing here?

    Rav Pam answers that in fact the first TWO words describe a man’s emotional obligations toward his wife, and the second two describe his financial obligations. EFLACH - I will work, is referring to Avodas Hamiddos, working hard to respect and honor one’s wife. A man must work on himself not to be demanding or harsh with his spouse; he must put in great effort to appreciate and accept her in all situations, never cause her pain or criticize her, try to ignore her faults and downplay her mistakes. In order to merit much blessing in his home, a man must truly WORK ON HIMSELF - “Eflach” - in order to respect his wife - “Okir.” The second two words IZON and AFARNES are referring to a man’s financial obligations to his wife. R’ Feuer adds that nowadays, when many young husbands are sitting and learning in Kollel, how can they promise financial support to a wife? From where will they have the money to sustain her? The answer is that the last two words in the kesuba are conditional on the first two. “Happy Wife, Happy Life.” If a man works hard to show his wife the kavod she deserves, then he is promised that his parnassa will come with much blessing!

 
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